Jod...

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kill
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Jod...

Post by kill »

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :laugh: :laugh:
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Schultz
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Creative old lady...

Post by Schultz »

A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic
garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the
bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill is flying out of it onto the pavement.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her...."Ma'am, there are $20 bills
falling out of that bag..."

"Darn!" says the little old lady....."I'd better go back and see if I can
still find some. Thanks for the warning!"

"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money?

"Did you steal it?"

"Oh, no," says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard backs up to
the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there's a game,

a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flowerbeds!"

"So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge
clipper, and each time someone pulls their you know what
out I say: $20 or off it comes!"

"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. OK, good luck!
By the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Well", says the little old lady, "not all of them pay"


:whistling:
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melquiad
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Jod...

Post by melquiad »

* Henry Ford dies and goes to Heaven.
At the gate, St Peter tells Henry Ford: "Well, you've been such a good guy, invented the car, changed the world. As a reward you can hang out with anybody in Heaven of your choice."
So Henry Ford thinks about it and says: "I would like to hang out with God himself?"
So St Peter takes him directly to God's thrown and Henry Ford starts by saying: "God, I don't want to sound biased, but you have some major design flaws in Your invention, the Woman.
1. There's too much front end protrusion
2. It chatters at high speeds
3. The rear end wobbles too much
4. The intake is too close to the exhaust."
"MMMMM" says God and goes over to the Celestial Super Computer, types in a few key strokes, and waits for the results.
He then turns to Henry Ford and says; "It may be that My invention is flawed, but according to the stellar computer more men are riding My invention then your's".
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Jod...

Post by walbandon »

dobra...ilitiga good one
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Jod...

Post by Twista »

[QUOTE=melquiad]* Henry Ford dies and goes to Heaven.
At the gate, St Peter tells Henry Ford: "Well, you've been such a good guy, invented the car, changed the world. As a reward you can hang out with anybody in Heaven of your choice."
So Henry Ford thinks about it and says: "I would like to hang out with God himself?"
So St Peter takes him directly to God's thrown and Henry Ford starts by saying: "God, I don't want to sound biased, but you have some major design flaws in Your invention, the Woman.
1. There's too much front end protrusion
2. It chatters at high speeds
3. The rear end wobbles too much
4. The intake is too close to the exhaust."
"MMMMM" says God and goes over to the Celestial Super Computer, types in a few key strokes, and waits for the results.
He then turns to Henry Ford and says; "It may be that My invention is flawed, but according to the stellar computer more men are riding My invention then your's".[/QUOTE]


lol, nice one
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Schultz
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Jod...

Post by Schultz »

There was a 10 year old boy walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He walked up to a house of ill repute and knocked on the door.
When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted.
He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money and I'm not leaving until I do."
The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, "Do any of the girls have any diseases?" Of course, the Madam said no, but the boy replied, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making it with Amber.
So THAT'S the girl I want!"
Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right. He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door.
The Madam stopped him and asked, Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?
"He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with my babysitter.
After they leave, my babysitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of little boys. She will get the disease that I just caught. When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the babysitter home. On the way, he'll jump her bones, and he'll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the babysitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the disease.. and HE'S the SOB who ran over my FROG!"
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Post by walbandon »

prehebeno...LooLLchina..f*cking good
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Jod...

Post by Pharaon »

c/p from hraweba..

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a
party. After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest
room.
Those who remained talked about their kids. The first guy said,
"My
son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful
company at
the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business
Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and
now
he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave
his
best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday."
The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my
pride
and joy. He started working for a big airline, and then went to
flight
school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the
company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich
that
he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday."
The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the
best
universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own
construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave
away
something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his
birthday:
A 30,000 square foot mansion."

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth
returned
from the restroom and asked: "What are all the congratulations
for?
One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel
for
the successes of our sons. What about your son?"
The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing
as a
stripper at a nightclub." The three friends said: "What a
shame...what a disappointment."
The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I
love
him. And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two
weeks
ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a
brand
new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three
boyfriends.
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Schultz
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Never Question a Drunk......

Post by Schultz »

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she
selected:
A half-gallon of 2% milk,
A carton of eggs,
A quart of orange juice,
A head of romaine lettuce,
A 2 lb. bag of coffee,
And 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check
out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in
front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases,
the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was
intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She
looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual
about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital
status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said: "Well, you know
what, you're absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly."
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kill
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Jod...

Post by kill »

Brutal :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

:lol:
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Jod...

Post by simic »

pa ovaj Shultz je pravi vicmaher.. :res:
predobri.....!!:lol: :lol:
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Jod...

Post by walbandon »

damn, this was nasty...
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Schultz
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Jod...

Post by Schultz »

God said, "Adam, I want you to do something for me."

Adam said, "Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?"


God said, "Go down into that valley."

Adam said, "What's a valley?"


God explained it to him.
Then God said, "Cross the river."


Adam said, "What's a river?"
God explained that to him, and then said, "Go over to the hill......."
Adam said, "What is a hill?"


So, God explained to Adam what a hill was.
He told Adam, "On the other side of the hill you will find a cave"
Adam said, "What's a cave?"


After God explained, he said, "In the cave you will find a Woman."
Adam said, "What's a woman?"


So God explained that to him, too.
Then, God said, "I want you to reproduce."
Adam said, "How do I do that?"


God first said (under his breath), "Geez....."
And then, just like everything else, God explained that to Adam, as well.


So, Adam goes down into the valley, across the river, and over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman.
Then, in about five minutes, he was back.


God, his patience wearing thin, said angrily, "What is it now?"


And Adam said ......................

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*


"What's a headache?
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Let's continue.......

Post by sonny »

A trucker hauling computers and accessories is driving down the highway late one night when he sees a truck stop on the side of the road. So he decides to pull over. On approaching the door he sees a sign that says:

NO NERDS.

He shrugs it off and enters. He's greeted by the end of a shotgun barrel in his face.
"Are you a nerd?" the bartender asks.
"No, I'm a truck driver," he replies.
He's allowed to come in, so he orders a cup of coffee, sits at the bar and drinks it. While he drinks his coffee, a man walks in wearing his pants up to his chest, a plaid shirt, pocket protector and thick-framed glass. The bartender pulls out his shotgun and blows him away.

"What the hell did you do that for!?" asks the trucker.
"Well," the bartender answers, "It's nerd season."
"Nerd season?" asks the trucker, confused.
"Yeah. See, the nerd population in this town is getting out of hand, so we've opened up nerd season." So, with that, the trucker finishes his coffee and goes back on the road.

A few miles down the highway the car in front of him suddenly swerves and wrecks. To avoid becoming part the disaster, he swerves to get out of way. The swerve's to hard. His trailer flips and he dumps his load all over the road. He gets out of his truck to see nerds coming from all directions grabbing everything they can. He doesn't know what to do. He's gotta stop this. Remembering what the bartender told him, he goes back to the truck and pulls out his gun and starts picking them off, one by one.

While doing this, a highway patrol officer starts running after him, waving his arms screaming,

"STOP! STOP!"

"What?" the trucker asks, confused, "I thought it was nerd season?"

"Well yeah," the officer answers, "but you can't bait 'em!"
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Jod...

Post by Gogii »

I don't get it :vamp:

Ne ne... nisam skuzio zadnju recenicu.. mislim... "but you can't bait 'em!"
To nemogu prevest...
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