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walbandon
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Post by walbandon »

DA IH NE SMIJE MAMITI:) .. bait je mamac
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kill
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Post by kill »

e moj Remzo :D

Dobar :lol:
FIAT Tipo 2.0 16v ie
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Schultz
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Post by Schultz »

"After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said

something that brought tears to my eyes.

He said: 'No hablo ingles.'"
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Post by Schultz »

A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday.

She Spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.

On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper.

Before leaving, she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my
asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 32," is the reply.

"Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter
girl the very same question.

The girl replies, "I'd guess about 29."

The woman replies with a big smile, "Nope, I'm 50."

Now she's feeling really good about herself.

She stops in a drug store on her way down the street.

She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this
burning question.

The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30."

Again she proudly responds, "I'm 50, but thank you!"

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next
to her the same question.

He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eyesight is going".
"Although, when I was young, there was a surefire way to tell how old
a woman was.
It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands
under your bra.
Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are."

They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the
best of her.

She finally blurts out, "What the hell, go ahead."

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around
very slowly and carefully.

He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple.

He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.

After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay, okay...How old am I?"

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and
says, "Madam, you are 50."

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how could you tell?"

The old man says, "Promise you won't get mad?"

"I promise I won't," she says.




"I was behind you in line at McDonald's."

:D:D:D:D:D
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Post by Schultz »

It was entertainment night at the Senior Center.



Claude the hypnotist exclaimed: "I'm here to put you into a trance; I

Intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."



The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful

Antique pocket watch from his coat "I want you each to keep your eye on

This antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family

For six generations."



He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly

Chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, and watch the watch..."



The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light

Gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed

The swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's

Fingers and fell to the floor, shattering into a hundred pieces.



"SHIT" said the hypnotist.



It took three days to clean up the Senior Center!




:D:D:D:D:D
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Post by Schultz »

The Broken Lawn Mower


Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right,
and the other is usually the husband.

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept

hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always

had something else to take care of first: the truck, the car, e-mail,

fishing, always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,

busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched

silently for a short time and then went into the house.  I was gone

only a few minutes.. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.

'When you finish cutting the grass,' I said, 'you might as well sweep

the driveway.'

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
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V12 Sound
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Post by V12 Sound »

Odlican  :respect: ;D
Dva brata uboga j**u jedan drugoga...
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Post by sonny »

Da fatal ne kaže da se ovdje ništa ne piše :D

Three lawyers and three engineers are travelling by train to a conference. At the station, the three lawyers each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket."How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked one of the three lawyers. "Watch and you'll see," answers one of the engineers.

They all board the train. The lawyers take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The lawyers saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the lawyers decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money.

When they get to the station, the lawyers buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket," asks one perplexed lawyer. "Watch and you'll see," says one of the engineers. When they board the train the three engineers cram into a restroom and the three lawyers cram into another one nearby. The train departs.

Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the lawyers are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."
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walbandon
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Post by walbandon »

lol...clever, jeah wright:)
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Post by davor-ri »

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa :lol:
PB: 152,9dB     
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Post by Schultz »

The lesbians next door asked me what I would like for my birthday.
I was quite surprised when they gave me a Rolex.

It was very nice of them, but I think they misunderstood me when I said, “I wanna watch.”



;D
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Post by Semulic »

Schultz wrote:SUPERMARKET SURROUND SOUND



The new Supermarket near our house has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh.  Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and witness the scent of fresh hay.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn.

I don't buy toilet paper there any more.


And what about condoms? :D
I think there is a big crowd
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